Safe to Share?
"Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, "Listen to this dream I had: We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it."
His brothers said to him, "Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?" And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said."
-The book of Genesis in the 37th chapter
When’s the last time you shared a dream of yours with someone, and how did it go over?
This story of Joseph and his dream has been ingrained in my soul since I was a kid. A reminder that it's never wise to share your aspirations without some degree of emotional intelligence.
Imagine how it would go over if a child from a well-established family living in the suburbs visited an underfunded, inner-city school and did a presentation on everything she received for Christmas and the exotic vacation her parents are going to take her on in the summer. The unintended cruelty wouldn't help anyone.
In the Bible story, Joseph is the favourite son of Isaac and is given additional privileges and attention that his brothers didn't receive. He has a dream about his future where he becomes great, famous, and powerful. The story goes as expected: his brothers bring him down several pegs, throw him into a pit, and sell him into slavery… That escalated quickly. Even in the ancient world, oversharing came with its own set of perils.
There is a lesson for the brothers in this story. Joseph’s brothers could have supported him. Sharing a dream is an act of vulnerability. They had power as well. Instead of being patient, they chose to be cruel.
I can hear the song. “Go go go Joseph, you know what they say, go go go Joseph, you’ll make it some day, don’t give up Joseph, fight till you drop, we’ve read the book and you’ll come out on top…”
Joseph's story has also made me less likely to share my dreams for my own life. On a platform like this, it's much easier to share about my struggles rather than write out the things that I'm excited about or hope for. A post about me getting beaten up will attract a lot of clicks. It also doesn’t threaten anyone’s sense of the status quo. Depending on who's reading, a well-written, hopeful post about what I see myself accomplishing in the future doesn't inspire further reading. Understandably, many of us don’t have a lot of patience for those constantly trying to build their personal brand or self-promote. Dream sharing leaves you open to that kind of criticism. There are those who will feel threatened by the vision you have for your life. I once shared a dream I had with a boss, and I was laid off a few months later. While I’ll never know for sure, I believe in some ways, my dream made me an easy fire.
An unintended aspect of community is that we don't really like those who are willing to move beyond community in search of their own dreams. We have contempt for the kid who leaves the farm to make it in the big city. To protect itself, a community will discourage that thinking in subtle or overt ways. In the best-case scenario, a community is a place of stability and gives people a sense of feeling grounded. In the worst-case scenario, a truly toxic community generates its own kind of gravity that is difficult to break away from. All of us have a choice when it comes to the kind of community we want to be a part of.
One of my personal rules when it comes to those sharing a dream is this: “I’m here to coach and encourage, I’ll let God keep’em humble”.
The most satisfying experiences I've had as a leader are having team members share their goals and aspirations for what they would like to do after working with me. I’m pleased because they feel safe to do so. Obviously, I'd like that person to stick around forever, but I'm happy to be seen as a person who's safe to share dreams with. They are not asking themselves, "If I tell him what I'd like to do next, will I get fired?" I often share with them that there are limits to what I can teach them, but I am committed to helping them get to the next step in their career. Or be a piece of the puzzle to help them achieve their dreams. Having a workplace or a home where it’s safe to share dreams is a wonderful thing. I want to live and work in environments where people feel free to reach high towards a better future with both hands and not fear getting sucker punched in the gut. People thrive when they feel secure enough to think beyond the survival of the moment.
If you’re a leader and in a position to lead, guide, help or promote; create safe spaces and opportunities for the people you lead to share their dreams. If you have a dream, be careful where you share it, but you owe it to yourself to find someone who will listen and be gracious with your vision. There are good people in the world who will help and support you where they can.
Friend, thank you for reading. A dream I have for the next year is to write and publish a book that I hope you’ll pick up and read. I write, and I want to use that ability to help encourage others. I’d be happy to hear what you’d like to see for yourself in the future.
Take care