It’s ok. Make New Friends.
If you're an introvert like me, making new friends can sometimes be challenging. It's not that I don't like people; it's just that relationships take up a lot of energy and effort for someone like me. I can fool myself into thinking that making investments into new friendships somehow robs value from previous relationships. What I've learned from extroverts is that meeting new people, engaging with new colleagues, and belonging to new communities moves you forward.
I transitioned away from full-time ministry 18 years ago this month and forged a new career in hospitality. After moving back home to Edmonton, I started my first job in a hotel. That first week was so awkward and scary for me. I remember sitting in the lunch room at the Mayfield Inn and Suites and feeling like I was such an alien. To be honest, I was. I was working in an environment that was totally new from what I had trained for and with people who didn't know me. That new lunchroom might as well have been an ocean that I was dropped into. I had very little point of reference. Everyone was kind, but I didn't feel ready or have the courage to walk over to a table with my plate and ask if I could join a group and introduce myself. Looking back, I could have easily done that. It didn't take long before I made friends, but those first three months in the lunch room were lonely. I've since noted that when onboarding a new employee, it's important to remember how those first weeks felt.
Looking back, I can trace a line from where I am today in my career to those early days as a switchboard operator in a large full-service conference hotel. Along that traceable line are groups of managers, mentors, and team members who've helped me, and I love them all. But at each step of my career, I've had to accept those immediately around me as "my people." Each workplace and community gave me experiences that I took with me as I moved forward in life, and then a new group of people would teach me more. Often, though, I’d find myself missing my old crew.
What I have experienced is that earlier friendships have a way of producing ongoing value with almost no effort. I’ve learned this by observing my parents. Years ago, my mom passed away, and we had her memorial service soon after that. It was a big funeral with what looked like over 1100 people in attendance. I've always been good with faces and names; I knew hundreds of people, but I didn't know everyone in attendance. There were people there that we hadn't seen in years. My mom invited a dear friend to play piano at the service, and it had probably been well over a decade since they connected, yet he graciously drove up to Edmonton for us. There were groups of people that I had never met because their relationship with my parents predated me. My mental and emotional state that afternoon was fairly...focused on loss, but in an almost hilarious way, that focus was broken up by thoughts that sounded like,
"Who is this person? Why are they hugging me? Why are they letting me know they'd be willing to help me with anything? It’s the middle of the work week. Are these unemployed individuals just here for the open-faced buns?"
There were people there who were very much a part of the most recent chapters in my parent's lives, but they made up the smallest fraction of the crowd. Most of the people there were friends from the past who had known them for years. My hope is that my family has that experience when my time comes.
The good people in your life want to see you keep moving forward and including more people in your story. If anything, these same people would be upset to see you stalled. I feel that concern myself when I see people in my life who haven't moved on. So when I come across a new person, a new colleague, boss, or someone who greets me at church, I remember to see someone to talk with for the next leg of this road trip called life.
Friend, thanks for reading, I hope this resonates. May you feel free to grab a lunch tray and sit down with a new friend
Take care.